Low Self-esteem relationships

As of 11 AM PST 2-15-14, I have heard 4 people tell me they had a breakup over Valentine’s Day. I often tell people that this time of year is rough on relationships, though we can also say that about Christmas through New Year’s as another rough patch. Perhaps it is the pressure of this made up holiday, or just a good excuse not to continue on with a relationship your just not feeling good about anymore.

I saw a movie a few years ago, Valentine’s day, the star of the movie starts out with a beautiful woman he has just proposed to and she feels she isn’t ready and breaks up with him and moves out. Though he does get a happy ending with his good friend who is in a low self-esteem relationship with a married man. Most of the time that doesn’t work out so well for everyone concerned. The simple fact is men lie to get laid. A stiff (you know what) has no conscious. Man wisdom isn’t concerned with long term consequences, just in the moment am I happy. As long as both are getting their immediate needs met no harm to them but the wife or husband being cheated on takes an emotional beating. Have to say that if they were meeting the needs of their spouse, they wouldn’t be cheated on. Everyone in the love triangle has a part in what goes on there.

A friend of mine is married to a Playboy Playmate of the year (she was playmate of the year 4 times!). We would have a great time in LA and I would see a beautiful woman and say something nice about her and he would say, I have better at home. I had met his wife many times and though she was pretty I didn’t really give her a second look. One evening I was over with my girlfriend and his wife called out from the house as we approached and asked if we could give her a hand with some cases filled with jewelry. They were bulky but very light, so I picked up 4 and my girlfriend got 4 too. As we walked up to the house, I saw a beautiful woman in a blue sparkle gown kissing my friend. I just stood there stunned at her beauty. It was his wife but I had never seen her with makeup or in anything other than jeans and a sweatshirt. Suddenly I was snapped out of this perfect moment with at smack to the back of my head and the words “get going!” Things didn’t go well from there! That is a perfect example of two people getting their needs met. I can’t say that mike was a handsome man or that he was in anyway extraordinary. His love for his wife is real though.

When a relationship ends during a stressful time I have found that remorse sets in and the person who broke it off will call and want to patch things up. It may take hours or even weeks but it does happen. A great opportunity to change what you don’t like in the relationship. I can take you back however I need X to change. X in this case being an end to a behavior that really bothers you. You might say I can take you back but I am now the priority in your life and there are just us two in this relationship.

I often say you cannot give someone what you do not have. You have to love yourself before you can love others in a powerful way. If you don’t honor yourself then you settle for less than you could have because you just don’t deserve better. When you’re ready you will know this wisdom. May your life be everything you always wanted it to be. May you have your happy ever after and may it satisfy you.

Walks With Thunder

A message of Love

My last dream was of my 1st girlfriend. When I was in 1st grade, having mastered English in Kindergarten, I made a new friend. She was a blond girl with big blue eyes and a pony tail. We were both at the back of the classroom of about 20 kids. The teacher was talking but we didn’t understand what she was saying because we couldn’t see the chalk board she was referring to. Our 1st words to each other were: “do you know what she is talking about?” That lasted about 5 minutes till our teacher came over and asked us what we were talking about. Being an experienced teacher she pronounced us both as needing glasses and put us at the front of the class. Oddly I don’t remember my 1st grade teachers name.

Over the school year my mom had cancer and was in the hospital for months. Having three sisters I noticed she was gone but it didn’t really change my everyday life. Still went to school, did my chores, played outside, and my cat still slept with me. My teacher did stop by and drop off a tuna noodle casserole with mushrooms in it. It was good, but then any food my mom didn’t cook was good, she was awful at cooking.

A week later we both had glasses. Hers were a pretty blue and mine were “the you’re not ever going to get a girlfriend black style”. As it turned out that experience bonded us together, June (little Blond) girl and I had a great year together. Playing at recess, having lunch together. As fate would have it her grandmother lived across from my backyard. So I got to see her over the summer too. We never kissed, though I did get a hug on my birthday and a card. It was an innocent kind of love we had.

At that age I had no words for it, even if I did they would have been in Spanish as that was the language I knew best. As an older person I now realize it was love. Had I know it then it would have been ICKY! We had something more than friendship and fate seemed to be throwing us together. I love that about fate.

These days as a “grownup” fate doesn’t rule my life as much as it did as a child. I get to choose where I go and when. Though fate does offer me choices now it still plays a small part. I am calling fate that random event that throws people together. Now I say I am making choices that “put us together”, or “choose love most often”. Maybe I have you thinking about what your choices have been. When Angie passed away last summer, I made a choice not to live in that house anymore. Every time I let the dogs out I could see her last breath and I didn’t want to keep seeing her last moment.

There are many kinds of love. Love is what we are here to do, to be love. Of course there are lessons along the way. I feel the best thing we as humans do is love, it’s not science, or art, or math, or music, not anything else. Being able to love is the most powerful thing we can ever do. On this made up holiday, you can tell it’s made up as the banks are open and schools are open too, Valentine’s day lets buy into for just long enough to hear the message of love we want to be. May we all be blessed to know love in all its good ways.

Walks With Thunder

Your Life’s path

A message from your Shaman, Walks With Thunder.

As we move through life we all have difficulties to overcome. For some it is a physical challenge, others may face emotional trauma, still others mentally challenged. I can hear those wheels turning, as your thinking hey he missed my challenge… Go ahead tell me what it is. Now that you have that out of your system, let’s move on.

Sometimes it can feel like we are constantly disappointed by those in our lives. For some odd reason those around us can’t see what we see so clearly. We ourselves may not know what our path through life is; we wander trying things out and making mistakes. Mistakes are good if we learn something from them. Every now and then I say to the universe in general, I learned that lesson, let’s not do that again please. If we don’t learn those life lessons we will repeat the lesson till we get it right.

How can you tell your on your life’s path? Easy, no really that is the answer, everything is easy for you. The everyday process of living is easy. Making money as most of us need it, is easy, relationships are easy, life is good. We take joy in almost everything we do. I personally would be way happier with a person that came in twice a week and cleaned the kitchen and bathrooms for me. I really dislike those chores, but I do them. The rest of my life is easy. Guess I am not fully on the path, maybe 85% on it! When I get that house keeper or learn to enjoy cleaning then 100% on the path.

I love the work I do and feel great about helping people have insight into the difficult situations they find themselves in. Most times a fresh perspective is all you need. Though I do have a special skill set that allows my work to be easy. Often I will say “it’s almost like I am psychic”, my clients and I will laugh, cause you know I am.

Take some time today and look at your path through life. Are you as happy as you could be? Is your life as easy as you would like it? Do you know anyone that needs some extra cash and likes cleaning near your favorite Shaman? Are you the best you possible? If you need a hand with that I can help you find your path.

May your life be blessed in all the good ways!

Walks With Thunder

Time Travel

We are all time travelers. My friend’s 83 year old mother gave me an insight into this. Imagine a journey from 1930 to today. She would have seen the beginning of world war 2, lived through December 7th 1941, Kennedy’s assassination, Space race and so much more.

There she is this sweet old lady, who has a wealth of information about how it felt to be an American in those times. She may even have known or met some of the people who made history. From the day we begin to remember we become time travelers. The older we get the longer the journey.

When I was in the Coast Guard I was called aside and asked what I knew about Neil Goldschmidt, the former mayor of Portland Oregon. I had worked in the same building with him and once had lunch with him. I had no idea he had become the Secretary of Transportation, at that time the Coast Guard was part of that Department. Without knowing it I suddenly had Congressional influence and according to the Coast Guard Intelligence my service record now had a Gold bar on it to show I had it. I seriously doubt he would have remembered me and even if he did that it would have made a difference one way or another. The hand of fate had written that we had crossed paths and that was very funny to see how the Coast Guard thought that meant something.

Over the years I have met some people that make me smile as they were movie stars when I was a child. Mariette Hartley was at a church near Topanga Canyon in Southern California years ago. I had seen her there and wanted to meet her. I loved her in a movie where she had two navels! A sexy redhead from my youth, and there she was just a few feet away. The friends I was with told me I should meet her and I wanted to as well. However I had some eye drops for my contacts in my car so I went over and got them. While I was gone Mariette Hartley met my friends, they told her I was a fan and a Shaman. She wanted to meet me too! I guess I lingered too long putting those drops in and I missed meeting her! That stupid hand of fate again!

Though I have some famous clients they are just people who need my help. I don’t get all geeked out about talking to them. Some are famous singers, actors and actresses. None of them got me as excited to meet as Zara Beth from Star Trek. I remember things from my childhood very clearly, like the day John F Kennedy was shot and killed. The moon landings, and Tricky Dicky no longer our president. I have often thought Nancy Reagan was our 1st woman president as Ronald was in no shape to run the country.

In your own life you have memorable moments on your journey through time. Over the journey I have discovered that our attitude is what colors our memories of those moments. The 1st time I went to Disneyland with my 1st wife Debora. That woman could trip on a dust mote and sometimes did. She was so patient with me and taught me so much about being a good person.

She didn’t have much to work with, I was and still am stubborn, and often get grumpy. If I am a good person today or have any good qualities as a husband, boyfriend or friend it is because of the lessons she taught me. I know that I can be there in times of trouble because I was there for her. I know that I can make the tough choices because I have made them. I know that when someone loves you as much as she loved me I love them back that same way. She taught me how to forgive what others wouldn’t. How to be kind to those around me that might not deserve it. Looking back I should have treated her much better than I did. She also gave me the best gift I ever got. It cost her so much to give me our son. She lost her health and quality of life to do so. Of course we didn’t know that at the time. It was like the warranty ran out on her body. Our journey through time lasted 17 ½ years.

Even in her death she taught me how much I cared for her. I cried for 4 months after she passed. Funny how we do things we didn’t think we would. Every time our son does something of note I miss her. When Andrew graduated from Community College with his AA degree, or a week later when he graduated High School with a letter from the Governor for being in the top 1% of all graduates that year, winning the science medal and the math medal, I miss her. He graduated from Evergreen State College with a Phi Beta Kappa Key, at age 20, we miss her.

Though her journey through time was only 42 years her legacy lives on in our son. You could even say it lives on in me as she taught me so much. Though I am still a work in progress as I travel through time, I am grateful for the memorable people I have met on this journey. I can see that even now I have less days in front of me and more behind, makes me want to leave my mark somehow. Remember that our journey through time does end. I want to be smiling at the end knowing I made a difference in people’s lives for the better. Maybe not all people but the ones whose lives I touched on this Journey through time.

Your child and drugs

Sitting here on this cold November day, I feel a little grumpy. Last night I had a talk (heated discussion) with a mother who has a child that has a drug problem. As I was reading my Facebook news feed I ran across another mother with much the same problem, drugs and their child. Having been told I have a blunt way of approaching things, I tried to put this problem into focus. Can’t do it.

It doesn’t seem to matter the income level, both these mothers are at polar opposites on income levels. Yet here they are with the same problem. Over the years I have been of the mind that once a person is addicted to drugs they aren’t the same person you once knew. The drug is their new family now, that is where their loyalty is. You are now just a source of money, and things they can steal for money to buy the drug. Respect, love, family, truth, keeping their word, all that are just ways to get what they need from you. You can’t believe them or trust them, except to screw you over.

Of course there are many variations of this addiction, rehab, detox, and the programs and so on. Couldn’t tell you if they work or not. I know people now that have been drug free 20 years. I do know it is possible to find redemption from this drug addiction. Those same people tell me it is always in the back of their minds they can handle the drug now. It is a constant battle to stay clean. They have to want to be drug free. Sadly they have to hit rock bottom and bounce a few times before they really mean it.

Being Shaman I haven’t really addressed this problem. I don’t have a blessing for it, I don’t have an energy cure, for years I have just not dealt with it. Deep down within myself I feel there is an answer. One I probably won’t enjoy. Most likely that would involve them being with me at some remote area, with great WiFi as I won’t give up my internet. A long way out without any close neighbors. Just me and them, walking a path together for a time. Learning how to live without the drug and holding temptation far away. I don’t even do that with the apprentice program, we skype and seldom meet in person. I do feel the personal touch would be necessary to fight this drug addiction. Helping the addicted become spiritual to rid them of addiction. Could work.

My feelings have always been zero tolerance for drugs and drug users. Though I know many people that smoke weed or drink. I prefer not to be around such activities. My father was a great example of a functioning alcoholic. He showed me what not to do by doing it. To this day I will get up and leave when people are drinking or doing drugs. It is uncomfortable, and it makes me grumpy.

After seeing what these parents go through with their drug addicted children I am so happy my own son didn’t lead me down that path with him. We have our addictions, Computer Games, Movies, and great food. By no means are we perfect, some have called us a pair of teenagers with no responsibilities. We have responsibilities but they are just the everyday kind. Paying our bills and taking care of our pets, being good to each other. I have been blessed, I know that.

One of my sisters married a little man. Really he is 5 or 7 inches shorter than she is. I do find that funny! I once asked him if he was standing in a hole, because he looked so short. Obviously I don’t like him, never have. I remember cursing him to have a disease that didn’t kill him but made him undesirable. I am so bad. He was always bragging that his daughter was such a great athlete, a soccer star. Then he stopped saying anything about his superstar. A few months later I found out his superstar was on drugs, hanging out with the wrong crowd. She was on the front page of the newspaper holding a gun Patty Hurst style while holding up a bank. When she got out of prison she immediately got back with her old crowd. Taking drugs, got pregnant and now they take care of the baby. Drugs are a bad thing and they will impact your family in a negative way if they can.

I am working on a blessing for those drug addicted and their families. I will be thinking about it for a while as I want it to be just right. Putting my will and intent to have spirit show me the way. Wish me luck.

Walks With Thunder

Powerful dreams

The dreams I have been dreaming are kind of out there these nights. Somehow a scrap of a dream hangs on even days after having dreamt it. I am flying in a stormy sky, beautiful lightning lights up the sky. In the dream I am thinking that flying in a storm might not be a great idea for some. Have you seen those disaster movies where the storm is a category 5, bold, powerful and destructive that is the kind of storm I am in. However since I am a part of Thunder Nation it is an awesome idea for me. As I fly I see lighting coming out of my hands to light up the dark stormy skies. The feeling of power and being embraced by the power of this storm. I wake up feeling the power of that storm within me, knowing I can weather any storm and come out the other side in one piece.

Funny how dreams can give you confidence and remind you of a time that may have never been. The message of the dream, boldly go. Fly through any storm and know there is no power in the universe that can stop you if you’re following your dream. Even now I see myself flying, shooting lightning into the clouds, effortlessly moving forward.

Dreams are powerful for a Shaman, or anyone really. In the dream time there are no limits to what we can do. The power of desire, to break the laws of time and space, being with those that has passed from our lives. Some say that we live many lives in dreams. Sampling each life for just a little while as we return to our “normal” life every time we wake up. Every now and then I wake up and long for the dream time to take me to that wonderful magical place only found in dreams.

There have been people I have met in dreams that couldn’t possibly exist. I had once such meeting in November 1985. In that dream this person said he would give me a gift that I could take back to my waking world. I had no idea he was serious. He also said he would grant my wish to be able to change people’s hearts and minds or just blast them from existence. I still remember that dream as though it just happened. Perhaps it was I who was changed and the old me blasted from existence. Life hasn’t been the same since.

As we approach the full moon our dreams become more powerful. This Saturday we will have a lunar eclipse. A great time to let go of those things that don’t serve us. To begin changes in our lives that do serve us. The power to do things of legend are within us all. Having courage is just doing what you need to even though you’re afraid. Fear is just a feeling, you feel hot you feel cold you feel fear. Once you understand that there is no reason to have fear in our lives.

May we all be blessed with powerful dreams that change our lives for the better. That guide and inspire us to have confidence to move through our world without fear holding us back.

Walks With Thunder

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