Mothers Day, again!
This is a holiday I don’t celebrate anymore as my mom has passed away. That was a good thing as she was a drama queen and created drama if there was none to be had. My son’s mother died when he was 14, seems like only last month. He does send his Mother’s day greeting to my 2nd ex-wife Laura. She was and is very good to him. Was there for him when he needed a mother, didn’t try and replace is biological mother, instead made her own place next to her.
Towards the end of my 1st wife’s life she was hospitalized for 9 months. Andrew and Laura made her a huge door sized event calendar. They both shopped for what they would put in it. DVD’s, books, candy, sox, things that would fit into an 8” by 6” pocket. She loved it. My 1st wife never complained that Laura was taking her place or had too much of our son’s attention. Somehow Laura made our family work at a difficult time.
Being shaman I was given a sign of my 1st wife’s passing. I was upstairs at out beach house in Belfair WA. Just resting, when I saw a fuchsia red color coming from the satellite dish control box. Odd because that was a green LED. I knew it was a paranormal event but didn’t understand the meaning. I said to the spirits in the room, I don’t understand, tell me what this means. Almost immediately the fuchsia colored light projected itself to be right in front of me and resolved itself into a crystal fuchsia colored casket. In that moment I understood this was a portent of death (Duh). A few minutes later my 1st ex-wife called to say she couldn’t make it to see us the next day as she wasn’t feeling well enough to travel. I told her not to worry her plane ticket would be there when she was ready to use it. Get better and talk to Andrew, she is welcome anytime. Those were the last words I spoke to her. Two days later her mom called me to say she had died overnight from a stroke and a heart attack. Most likely the heart attack brought on by the fear from the stroke.
I hadn’t known how hard that would hit me. We had been married for 17 ½ years. I cried for 4 months, every day for hours. My 2nd wife told me, I am ok with you crying for her, because I know when I go you’re going to cry for 6 months. Laura is so funny. It is part of what made her a great mother to my son. I say mother because there was no difference from the way she treated him than her own biological children. Now that is a great mom.
A few years later Laura told me she had never had a relationship last longer than 7 years. We beat that record by a month! She asked for and received a divorce and in November of 2007 she got it. Even so she and I are friends, and Andrew still thinks of her as his other mother. I am sure she is just going to tell everyone how great I think she is because she is in my Mother’s Day Article. She says she is my biggest fan, and I am hers. Here we are 6 years later and my son is asking me if she will like the funny gift he got her. No I am not going to tell you what it is she doesn’t have yet!
I know that my mom was an awful cook. I grew up not knowing that, just knowing that I liked school lunches because they were so good! Does that tell you anything? She put tomato sauce on everything, peas, green beans, corn, and broccoli. Give that woman a beautiful steak and she would turn it into the best shoe leather on a plate anywhere. She and my father had a love hate relationship. Every couple weeks they would have a big fight. He would get paid and buy a case of beer and drink most of it on a Saturday. That would make my mom angry and she would begin pushing his buttons. Until he had a meltdown. Not a pretty sight, every two weeks drama, and let’s not forget holidays. My mom put the d in dysfunctional. So not having her around anymore is a good thing. Way less drama, holidays and meals are much better.
My friend Angie has a great mother. She comes to visit Angie every couple of years. I just love Angie’s mom, she is a tiny woman, maybe 117 pounds, 5’ ¾” tall who never stops moving. She is always doing something. Painting, gardening, making cookies, cleaning, I find myself looking for the batteries she must have. They get along very well. Thought Angie does have her complaints, nothing like mine would be. I keep telling her she has the best mom ever! I can see that at 68 or so she is still beautiful. A quick smile on her face and always thinking of her family and friends.
We all make choices about who we are and what we do, every moment is a choice. How we react and how we show that reaction to others. Some mothers at the moment of birth decide they can’t be a mother right now and give up the child. Other mothers see that child and are emotionally bonded for life. A mother doesn’t have to be the biological birth mother. She can be a woman that loves a child as her own. Protecting, nurturing, loving, and caring for them as her own the rest of her life. Bless all the mothers out there to have a great relationship with their children and families. May they always know love and be loved. May their short comings be small and their regrets few.
Walks With Thunder.