Hi Everyone,
Many times we enter a relationship for the wrong reasons. It could be we were lonely, or at a low point in our self-esteem. Perhaps it has just been a very long time since anyone has paid attention to you. That kind of thinking lets people into our lives that wouldn’t normally get through the sniff test.
Sniff Test, When you meet someone for the 1st time, you get to experience their physical presence. In some cases actually smell them, their breath, or cologne, tie that up with the pheromones and you have the sniff test. It’s good or it’s bad. That gut feeling that says I like them or I don’t like them. That can all be disregarded because we aren’t at our best.
I know women that are in bad relationships and stay there because they don’t feel they can do better. They feel they don’t deserve better. They ignore the red flags, He is off his anti-psychotic meds, uses you for money, allows you to pay the bills cause dang it he gave you $200 once. Tells you ‘I’ve never hit a woman before, but honey your dang close. (dang = colorful metaphor chose any you like) You know baby I only hit you because you made me do it, I am not like that really. If someone hits you, then they are exactly like that and it will happen again because you let them get away with it. Just saying.
It can be very difficult to leave such a situation as that negative partner will tear down your self-esteem every chance they get. While they are using you to pay the bills you can’t save money to leave them. Your will to stand up for yourself gets lower as they exert control and isolation in your life. If a person says I don’t like all your friends choose me instead, that is a huge warning sign. They don’t want you to have friends because your friends will spot this controlling behavior and tell you to drop this loser. Often they will create drama around your friends just so you avoid those friends and the drama he makes.
Once that decision is made to leave the loser (TLTL) confidence and self esteem rise. Often reconnecting with old friends for emotional support and help moving is a great step forward out of a controlling, abusive relationship. Remember not all men are like that, only damaged ones.
The 1st thing you should know, it is not your job to fix people who are damaged. It’s not like a house where you build equity by choosing a fixer upper. In this thing called love choose a person who can have a loving relationship. That doesn’t need fixing. Everyone has baggage but do you really want the extra baggage from damaged people? I don’t think so.
Do yourself a favor and choose people that show you they love you, that don’t tear down your self-esteem. Don’t put yourself in danger when leaving a bad relationship. Have your friends help you move out and let the police know there could be trouble when you do. Those damaged people don’t care or even think about the consequences of what they do to you as you have let them get away with it so far.
They may say things you want to hear. I love you baby, ain’t no body gonna love you more than I do. You’re the best thing in my life. Keep in mind you probably are as you are paying the bills. Don’t fall for that distraction. Keep your goal in mind and cut all ties with the damaged ex’s. No good can come of keeping in touch with them. Guard your personal information, don’t let them find out where you are now. Cause you know they are going to want to rekindle this romance. Those bills gotta be paid ya know!
May we all have the self-love needed to be good to ourselves in relationships with others. May the love in our lives be true, nurturing, satisfying, and joyful. Anything less is unacceptable.
Walks With Thunder
PS
Any resemblance of your personal bad relationship is purely coincidental. I am not singling you out because we talked about that this morning and it is in my head now. Hehehehehe Ok well maybe I am. I am a bad bad shaman today!