Epidemic of Approach Avoidance syndrome
I hear this sad story all day long. “My love and I are constantly getting close and then we talk about commitment and a few days later they are gone for days or weeks. Then they come back and everything is fine for a while. Then we talk about commitment and that puts us back into this cycle again.” Men and Women are both doing this behavior. On the one had they want intimacy and on the other they avoid commitment.
Not communicating for days weeks and in some cases months. Then coming back into your life like nothing happened. You bring it up and they agree to change and then can’t seem to change this odd behavior. They are attracted to you, say the right things, it’s wonderful when you’re together. However they leave after commitment is talked about. I like to think it’s a learned behavior, which their parents had this behavior and now they are modeling it with you because it’s what they know. They have no idea that this hurts you and lowers your confidence and self-esteem. That your heart breaks a little more as they create this distance between you.
Something in their eyes, smile, attracts us like no other or we would tell these damaged dysfunctional butt heads to pack it up and move on. Yet we hope that they will grow out of it, break the cycle and realize what a blessing it is to be together. That this sort of love is rare, worthwhile and enjoyable. It’s almost like they are addicted and can’t stay away for too long before they come back. We enjoy those little honey moons only to be left along again as the cycle of Approach Avoidance begins again.
In some cases the best idea is to walk away as it’s too painful and has gone on too long to stay in such a relationship. In other cases it’s just beginning and is changeable as it’s not a set pattern. They have to realize how important you are to them. That try as they may they can’t walk away. Knowing that they must also realize that this sort of behavior can’t continue. It won’t be long till you lose interest, grow self-esteem or someone new enters your life and takes your breath away as well as your heart. Usually during those times when they are avoiding you and your vulnerable to someone who has something nice to say to you. Has no problem calling you or making you a priority in their day. Its powerful stuff this thing called a “normal relationship”.
75% of my daily calls are about this problem. I usually recommend a blessing for them to come out of this cycle and realized the vulnerable position they are in. No one wants to be in that cycle of approach avoidance. Usually that person is a past life lover that your spirit recognized and crated an instant connection with you. Then over time you create a soul mate relationship that bonds you together so you can’t leave the cycle as the feelings and spiritual connection are too strong to let go. Talk about putting the D in dysfunctional!
I would never tell anyone to walk away from such a relationship. Soul mates and twin flames are awesome and worth the trouble if you can save it. To be with that one person that inspires you to love more deeply than ever before! Oh if only we could all have that in our lives. Even the dysnfuctionality of the approach avoidance relationship, if it has the soul mate connection is worth the trouble of saving. Even if you could walk away from it, which most can’t, you would regret it the rest of your life.
What to do about it. Endure, release your negative energy around it, do things that nurture you. In some cases you will need to disconnect your spirit, and heart so you can walk away. Last resort though. My heart tells me not to give up and I always try to follow my heart. Choose love in what you do. Forgive that person as they are damaged goods, and can’t help this low self-esteem behavior they do. Love is a gift, a past life, or soul mate relationship is a big gift from the universe. Get counseling if you can, help them realize it’s a hurtful thing they do to you so they can stop abusing you in this way.
If you have tried everything and you still can’t get them to stop this behavior of approach avoidance then for your own self-esteem, self-love, and self-confidence. Then you’re going to have to consider letting them go. A huge task, you have to be ready for it and given up all hope of them changing. Its possible I can show you how to disconnect, and let go. It’s a long process taking months and sometimes years. Knowing in your heart your worthwhile and you did everything you could helps. May you be blessed with some one that loves you for who you are and who grows with you. May the magic of love be yours.
Walks With Thunder.