After days of stress, packing and unpacking, I find the quiet moments sneak up on me with memories of my best friend Angie. Her mother gave me a redwood stained box about 3 inches by 3 inches, with some of her ashes in it. I put it in the car she gave me. You know that quiet moment when you wake up and become aware? In that moment I feel her watching over me.

Today I was in the kitchen of my new apartment, I picked up a linen cloth to dry my hands. I could clearly hear Angie say, use a paper towel for your face not the linen. Even after she has passed she is telling me what to do! Spirit goes on, she lives in my memories now, and yet she is also alive and talking to me.

As I watched her family take apart her life, her house, her finances, her friends it all came down to money. Her father could only think about the money. Even her mother was caught up in the life insurance, selling the house, cleaning out her assets. Taking some objects of memories, and then closing the door, moving on as quickly as possible. I understand the need to move on, to put your life back together with this big hole in it. I don’t think the holes people leave behind ever fill up again. We just learn to live with that empty place they used to be.

Losing a child has to be the worst thing that could ever happen to a person. My son is a big part of my life and without him I don’t think I would want to go on with this life. May I never have to find out what I would do were that to happen. The heart break of watching it happen to her mother was a very difficult thing. Watching Angie die slowly, in pain, calling out for the release of death. When she passed it was a release from pain, a welcome event.

Though I miss Angie, I find she is in my day. Keeping busy helps me get through these difficult times. Working and helping others with their problems makes me happy. In the quiet moments I can see her smiling at me or grinning at something I did or wanted to do. We carry their memories in our hearts and minds. Learning to live with the hole she left behind. Wish me luck in healing and moving forward. May we all be blessed to know someone who would leave a big hole in our lives.